Church this morning was good, but I’m still having a hard time concentrating on the message. I’m barely able to follow along, especially if I don’t know what passage we’re in. Still, it’s good practice. (As is watching movies in Spanish, which I’ve been doing with MJ. We’ve watched “El Caso Bourne” and the Denzel Washington one where he has to solve the murder before it happens. The one with Jim Caveizel, aka the guy who played Jesus in “Passion of the Christ”)
After the service, Gina, Bill, Theresa of Avila and I scuttled out in search of a restaurant. We stopped at MJ’s, where she, Eva, Javier and Josue were getting ready for lunch. Eva said Sol would have the most variety, so that’s where we went. We ended up choosing a place simply because the waiter opened the door to talk to us while we were reading the menu! There was a “meal of the day” special for 11.90, which included an appetizer, main dish, drink and dessert/coffee. After all of my complaining about fish, I ended up getting the fish plate, being too flustered to examine the rest of the menu. My own fault. OH! The first thing I saw when I sat down was a huge dead cucaracha next to my chair! UGH! It had big feelers and its legs were all curled up…at least as big as my pinky from the knuckle up. Gross. However, as Bill said, “welcome to the city” and it’s not likely that this would be the only restaurant with cockroaches and the rest would be roach free, there’s so jammed together. So, after making the rest of the group aware of my seatmate, I tucked my purse up off the floor and concentrated on enjoying lunch. Which I did, I’m glad to say!
After lunch, we went to Bill and Gina’s apartment, which is GORGEOUS! It’s HUGE, has 2 hallways, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths (both with tubs!) and a laundry room! One of the bedrooms is an office, the living room is so cool and has a half French door thing, the colors throughout are fantastic! The guest bathroom has aqua tile, the kitchen has black marble tile floors (and maybe countertops) and there are all these cool nooks and crannies! I really like it, lots of personality already and they haven’t even finished decorating.
Bill and Gina shared some of their thoughts about being far from home, the emotional support from people in the U.S. and the whole idea of “being where God wants you to be”. It was so good to get their insight. They prayed and planned for 9 years before coming to Spain. For them, making the decision to come was the result of A LOT of seeking God’s will. I’m so glad they ended up here!
It seems like we all have a hesitancy to do something good…without knowing if it’s what God wants. I mean, God said “make disciples” but sometimes I hesitate and say, “But which ones are my disciples? Should I go here? There? What if I make the wrong choice, choose the wrong place?” Plus, sometimes it takes years to build the friendships necessary to even begin the evangelism process without being rebuffed. It’s a tough decision to commit, say, 5 years of your life to a city or people group, without a specific call that lets you know “This is where I want you to work” (God speaking) However, the alternative to acting before feeling absolutely sure is…not acting at all. Waiting to act can lead to forgetting, being distracted or convincing yourself that you’re not the right one for the job. It’s very easy for me to convince myself that I’m not suited. My gut, my emotions, my experience all shout in unison “You’re not ready for this! This is not your area of expertise! Turn back!” And sometimes I do. Not knowing what I am capable of is torturous. Every time I turn back from a challenge, I stay in my comfort zone. I don’t change, I don’t grow; I am not challenged, honed or strengthened by turning away from an opportunity. I am swaddled and atrophy a little bit more each time, so that it becomes easier and easier to close my eyes, shift my gaze, let my mind wander away from the dangerous territory of “Should I?”
These are just things I’m thinking about, maybe it’s just me but I doubt it. And I’m not just talking about deciding to go to another country! I’m faced with personal, relational and spiritual challenges all the time, no matter where I am. It’s doing what I know what is right, even my whole being is rebelling against it. I’m talking about the reaction to do what is safe & comfortable, instead of having faith that the outcome outweighs the immediate cost. Being uncomfortable, rebuffed, sacrificing something you want or need: how are these “costs” in the long run really? Better to call them “inconveniences”.
When I got home, MJ had already started on mi gorro amarillo! (my yellow beret) I tried on her red version to get an idea of what I’m in for and it’s cute but I looked like a character from Strawberry Shortcake! Oh well, it’ll be a fun thing for us to work on together. She’s teaching me how to crochet that type of hat. The question is: who will I give it to? Ohhh, mystery! See how I try to draw people into reading my updates, with these twists and turns? “Will Joelene ever make chocolate chip cookies? Is there another post office in her future? WHO will get her poorly made beret? Tune in next time…”
